Jerry, you need to find god
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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