My room smells like vodka and shame
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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