yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize