Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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