I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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