I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize