She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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