I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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