You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize