quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize