I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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