True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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