it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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