Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
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I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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