Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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