Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
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he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize