my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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