Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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