I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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