connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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