bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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