I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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