All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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