she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize