Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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