eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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