So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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