I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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