I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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