Need sex. Gaining weight.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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