so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize