My liver just broke up with me...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize