i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
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So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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