did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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