Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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