whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God, I missed his penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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