1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
