i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think i have herpe
just one?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
