She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
