On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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