you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize