Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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