we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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