Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize