All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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