i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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