no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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