You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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