And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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