you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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