My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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