please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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